All are available to purchase for £35.00 unframed (framed prices vary). Limited edition prints (1/15) are also available for £25.00 (A4) or £30 (A3). Please email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org or call 07811059702 for more info.
Ok. So we’ve established that I’m a complete bitch. Can we move on now & talk about ANYTHING ELSE that is slightly more engaging and interesting!
I am self employed, therefore I am my own boss. I am constantly having arguments with myself about whether I deserve a day off or not. (SOLD)
– How are you getting on with the commission? – I’ll be honest with you. I got wasted, spent the money you paid me and now I”m still in last night’s clothes & make up with no idea how I’m gonna pull this one off. (SOLD)
– So Nanny, why don’t you sit outside in the sunshine while I do the cleaning – it’s a lovely day. You could get some vitamin D. – It’s ok – I have vitamin D in tablet form so I don’t need to. I’m quite happy here.
So the irony is you need £500 to go bankrupt. (SOLD)
I was going to clean up but instead I sat around in my pyjamas all day eating hobnobs because there was no bread. Did you have a good day?
Not sure what to have for my tea. There’s always that packet of raspberry angel delight that’s been there for months.
So yeh, the straight guys think I”m weird, the gay guys certainly aren’t interested and the dykes have all decided I’m a hasbian and don’t want to know either. What is a girl to do?
– What did you do last night? – Went on Facebook, drank a bottle of wine & got trolled by one of my exes. It’s ok, I have lots of exes – I don’t mean you babe.
If by “date” you mean we get wasted & find somewhere to go & fuck then yes I’ll pick you up at 8. (SOLD)
– You didn’t reply to any of my messages. – I had work to do. – It said you were ‘active now’ all night on Facebook. – Ok shall we put an end to this now? – No I still want to stalk you.
If you dress up the things you’re actually saying to me like that again, I seriously may have to vomit.
Passive aggressive is so last year.
So I feel a bit like a fag in the body of a dyke but dressed up in drag.
There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good she was very very good. When she was bad she was horrid.
– So how’s life treating you? – Not bad – could do with more sex & more money – apart from that I can’t complain. (SOLD)
– So where are you from? – I’ve moved a lot. – Are you on the run?!! – Yeh – you got me – that’s exactly right – dead exciting like.
Ok – so which version of events would you like? The diplomatic one, the sarcastic one or the scathing one?
– It’s the way you tell them. – But you’re not laughing! – Exactly.
I don’t just want meaningless sex – I’d like to find someone I can have meaningless sex with on a regular basis. (NOT FOR SALE – PRIVATE OWNER)
So we’re making another go of it for the sake of the cats.
So my Dad got offended ‘cos I told him to fuck off – I was actually joking. He said I didn’t bring you up to use language like that. I said I know Dad. You didn’t bring me up.
Why are you still talking to me about this shit? I am not your counsellor.
This is cleverly masked desperation, paranoia & sexual frustration dressed up as style in an attempt to impress you and possibly even get laid.
You’re not allowed to say those things. Really? Well I’m thinking them. Surely that’s just as bad?!
I just want to say something profound
Is it wrong that I fancy my ex boyfriend’s sister, no my ex girlfriend’s brother. Both. All of them?
Congratulations you did really well selling that artwork didn’t you – how do you feel? Great! Look I’d love to stand and chat but the money I made still doesn’t cover any of my bills so I need to go now & do some cleaning.
Yes I’m in the office – let me just check my diary & see when I’m available.
If I was to pretend that I agreed or even understood that would be more insulting than my honesty right now.
I wonder if you can help me… …I want endorphins & not those released by smoking a cigarette.
Shall I buy this really expensive oversized paintbrush or food?
Please don’t insult my intelligence by lying to my face in that utterly patronising way. Thanks.
So what are you gonna have for your tea tonight? I think I’m just gonna have this bottle of wine. You?
I am very fickle but also fiercely loyal once I am committed provided you are too.